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September 18 2014

O god
I'm going crazy again and I can't tell anyone. I'm scared.

July 30 2014

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found this gem in the 1996 Cornell Women’s Handbook. it’s what to say when a guy tries to get out of using a condom

Reposted fromstfn stfn viabiru biru

July 14 2014

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Reposted byToshioTVyanahwonkoNeruzalmakrosavgpsofiasgarethbrownextrembunt1LychareinmyDieKleineMyrashfaellolufoambassadorofdumbnorderncataractincontrovertiblebiruaberinkulasArkelanfall
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Current mood/aesthetic.
Reposted byjudithx3wonkoTerodalStadtgespenstmolotovcupcakehirnschaum
I have swollen lymph nodes in my armpit and I have a very tender spot under my right boob. I am scared and I don't know what to do with myself until tomorrow morning where I can go see a doctor, so I shout into the void to relieve myself of the pressure a little - I am too scared to tell anyone except my mother because I fear they will secretly label me a hypochondric ninny when/if it turns out to be nothing serious. I feel weird and tiny.

June 13 2014

Also: now it's insomnia in spite of the pills. Thank you body for being helpful. Sorry not sorry for this blog turning into my personal mental health whining station. This too shall pass.

June 12 2014

I'd really like to eat something but the girls are in the kitchen. Don't get me wrong I'm so happy to be able to stay here and not get up at 5 every morning but I kinda miss being alone and not having to make conversation and not being secretly judged for the (amount of) food I eat. I miss my flat. Why am I such a weird loner sometimes -.- 

June 10 2014

I'm just so sick of being too much, of being ill and wrong and angry. I feel like giving up.

May 28 2014


May 20 2014

It is so much easier to look at people having a pretty/healthy/adventurous/radical life on the internet than to actually do something good for yourself and/or your community/chosen family/loved ones. But also I am wondering if exposing myself to so many radical, queer, outstanding people makes me expect even more of myself; I'm not sure what to think, life is full of colour and complications and probably happy accidents.

May 14 2014

O lord it is getting worse again. And I don't really know why. And I can't stop it. And I function at work but otherwise I'm useless. Again. I can't handle this again I just can't and I don't want them to know but I've become so bad at hiding this I used to be so good at it. I need a time out already and it has not even been three weeks. Ugh I just do not know how to be normal. 

March 14 2014


March 10 2014

Play fullscreen
In order to maintain your affection, I need to get better. If I stay the way I am, you will turn away from me for your own protection so if I want to keep you near me I need to get better. I want you to stay. But it's hard to want to get better when my face crumbles away on the inside and when there are moments where all I can do is holding the tiny shards of myself together, barely. I want you close and I want you in my life. The only reason I don't do what I'd like to do is that I know that it will hurt you and then you will turn away from me. Today I can't find a way out of my head. I know I need to get better. I say I need to because I'm not supposed to say I must and I can't say I want to. I know this too shall pass and that there are always good moments and minutes and hours and days but when it hits it feels so infinite. I'm pouring my heart out to the interwebs because I can't tell anyone else, literally. I know you won't read this and no one else of importance will but someone here might read it and that means these words and thoughts exist outside of my head and are manifested somewhere, even if they're only written down digitally while listening to the same song over and over and over. Thank you for watching over me. Thank you for sharing your warmth and wisdom with me. Thank you for bearing with me. Thank you for being totally unaware of these thoughts. Thinking that one day I'll be able to articulate all of the good things (not this confused bullcrap but the positive feelings) and share them with you makes me feel a little better. I will write down what I feel on little notes and in our yearbook and on walls and trees and in the sky and the streets with my feet and the chilly air with my breath and you will see and you will know, like you always do. And you will shake your head and smile and the bad things will sleep for a while.

March 03 2014

Play fullscreen
Life is changing. For the better. I will be changing. :)

February 24 2014

And when you think it can't get worse, it does. As if I haven't caused enough pain already. I just want to sleep for three months and then some. The worst thing is when you can't even cry. I fucking miss my sane self. And I fucking miss us.
Reposted bystellina43 stellina43

February 16 2014

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Reposted byverdantforceciagnik123viva-salvadoresmonyyinafaszisasiostraoinkieUuhhlalaaAnoviscothtwins4everfallenangel69zaliwskaromantykjchigovogelpanpancernymask-and-mirrormstrztheworstnightmaremunkdeadlihoodStadtgespenstosobliwoscibakanojooufluoreszentScherbenkindsplinterpiestormsmollitaubedrink-me

February 10 2014

The shit has officially hit the fan. This is not a good time to be emotionally attached to me in any way. It's the worst time possibly imaginable. Step away.

February 08 2014


"this started as something completely different, but everything comes back to you, doesn’t it?"

do you remember the first time you were called annoying? 
how your breath stopped short in your chest
the way the light drained from your eyes, though you knew your cheeks were ablaze 
the way your throat tightened as you tried to form an argument that got lost on your tongue.
your eyes never left the floor that day. 
you were 13.

you’re 20 now, and i still see the light fade from your eyes when you talk about your interests for “too long,”
apologies littering every other sentence,
words trailing off a cliff you haven’t jumped from in 7 years. 
i could listen to you forever, though i know speaking for more than 3 uninterrupted minutes makes you anxious.
all i want you to know is that you deserve to be heard
for 3 minutes
for 10 minutes
for 2 hours 

there will be people who cannot handle your grace, your beauty, your wisdom, your heart;
mostly because they can’t handle their own.

but you will never be
and have never been
“too much.”

"this started as something completely different, but everything comes back to you, doesn’t it?"

— Tyler Ford
Reposted bygoddziirima


Consider that you radiate. At all times. Consider that what you’re feeling right now is rippling outward into a field of is-ness that anyone can dip their oar into. You are felt. You are heard. You are seen. If you were not here, the world would be different. Because of your presence, the universe is expanding.

— Danielle LaPorte
Reposted bystonerr stonerr
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